Muslims Announce 5 New Holy Sites

As is rather well known, Muslims have the funny habit of appropriating other people's holy sites or just property and announcing that they're now a Muslim holy site. This is particularly helped, when Mohammed FBUH (Fleas Be Upon Him) had visited there, or someone had claimed he visited there or someone could make up a wacky story about him being taken there by an angel on a flying horse. (Seriously, if you've got an angel already, why do you also need the flying horse? It seems redundant.)

In any case Muslims have now announced the 5 new holy sites they will be naming. As per usual these sites will now become off limits to non-Muslims and Muslims will be entitled to fight a Jihad to recover them back into Muslim hands.



The White House

Mohammed HTFBUH (High Tax Fees Be Upon Him) reportedly visited the White House as a guest of President Millard Fillmore, slept in the Lincoln Bedroom (which was then called, the 'Give Me A Bribe and You Can Spend the Night Bedroom) and tried to molest some of the President's carriage horses.

As such the highest authorities in Islam (three blind clerics who live in Cairo and still think it's 1922 and want an end to British colonial rule) have announced that the White House from now is to be off-limits to non-Muslims unless they're there to serve incoming President, Barack Hussein Obama.



Walt Disney World

Muslims devoutly believe that an angel took Mohammed on a midnight ride on a flying horse through time all the way to Walt Disney World where Mohammed PBUH (Peas Be Upon Him) rode Mr. Toad's wild ride, shrieked in horror at all the costumed characters and had too much pizza and threw up on the teacup ride. The Koran does not state why the angel did this, but it is believed that Mohammed had a good time.

As such the Ummah (acronym for Uncivilized Mass of Muslim Antisemitic Haters) now claim Walt Disney World as the sole property of the Muslim nation where it will be used to train Jihadi warriors for possible future battles against giant rodents, talking dogs and enemies who attack from space.

In other words, every day at Disney World, will now be gay day.



McDonalds

McDonalds, all McDonalds everywhere belong to Muslims, as Mohammed is now believed to have also set foot in a McDonalds, while he was visiting Walt Disney World. Mohammed mistakenly ordered a hamburger, ate it all, demanded another and menaced the cashier with his sword. He was escorted out by security still threatening to smite the red shirted infidels.

From now on all McDonalds outlets anywhere are now to be under Muslim management and will boast the new McSheep Burger and the Suicide Bombed Fries, especially prepared by the patented Muslim method of having the fry cook blow himself up admist the fries.



Your House

Mohammed is once believed to have visited your house. As such it is now a Muslim holy site. You are please asked to vacate your house immediately, unless you wish to convert to Islam, in which case you will be allowed to remain as a lowly servant. Please do not protest. The devout wishes of a billion Muslims and their sacred religious feelings on the subject clearly outweigh your deed to your property and any legal rights you may have. Should you refuse, you will be murdered. In your sleep.

From now on the devout followers of Mohammed LBUH (Lease Be Upon Him) will take it upon themselves to eat all your rosebushes and bathe in your toilet. They will also pray eleven times a day for heavenly (moonly) assistance in killing you and reclaiming what was once imaginarily theirs.



Hell

It has come to the attention of the followers of the prophet that Mohammed once visited Hell and remained to reside there permanently. As such Hell is now the holiest Muslim site there is. Shortly all the remaining Muslims will be making pilgrimages there to be with their prophet.

All non-Muslims are asked to stay away from Hell, as this is now exclusively Muslim property, reserved for Muslims only.

We hope they will be very happy there.

A tip of the turban to Sultan Knish