Congress Passes New Law of Thermodynamics
In a bid to free the nation from foreign oil and bring its carbon footprint to naught, Congressional Democrats passed a new law of thermodynamics, which states, "From each according to ability; to each according to need." This should lead to real energy independence once supply of energy becomes independent of its demand.
In practical terms, the new legislation establishes a new energy regime called "greenergy," according to which supply will match demand based on need and not on any particular technology's ability. Under this scheme, alternating current (AC) will be replaced with alternative current. The new AC will work by adjusting the needy consumer rather than the supply. Said one Senator, "For alternative energy we need an alternative consumer. That much is clear."
This will be accomplished by attaching a series of government greenergy regulators to the energy grid at the user end, to adjust the customer need as required. In the unlikely event a government regulator loses efficiency or fails, causing a short-term shortage of greenergy available, the alternative empowerment proviso kicks in. In such an event the greenergy system will run a temporary energy budget deficit which will be paid back at a later date as new technologies come online.
"Finally alternative energies will be able to compete with traditional ones on an equal footing," said the Senator. "This bill allows the conservation of energy to conserve energy. What could be simpler or more obvious?"